Intro.

I’m highly opinionated and bothered by a lot of things. I dislike falling asleep with the television on, public displays of affection, when people come near me when I have a Q-Tip in my ear, when animal fur is stuck to my clothes, when I can’t find the lint roller and realizing that the place in which I left the lint roller is nowhere near where I am. It bothers me when people complain about the hindrances of social networking on Facebook. I love reading through unnecessary arguments on Facebook that usually have nothing to do with me and commenting on them so that the persons committing the act of Facebook  fighting realize that their idiocy does not need to be in my “news feed”. I also love the puppies and kittens that get their fur all over me. I have a slight obsession with exotic pets and aspire to one day own a Hedge Hog named Pistachio and an albino Burmese Python named Gong. I’d rather watch a Disney movie over any Romantic Comedy, Drama or Action film and I’d rather watch a good documentary over any Disney movie. I am small, odd, good, bad and indifferent. I reintroduce myself every day. Always doing differently, always never fitting in. 

Always never fitting in.

Do you ever feel like you just don't fit in?
Wherever you are... High School, work, within your family.

Maybe it's not a bad feeling... you don't necessarily feel lonely or anything. Just alone.
I feel alone. Hella alone.
Other than on the nights with Jai, and the conversations held with few, I hold this feeling of distance.
I feel far, far above-- miles above most. Honestly.
I walk around the halls, knowing that people love me, knowing I love very few of them, because I see through them. I feel as if I've learned things that most souls surrounding me have yet to learn. I dress, talk, think... differently. Less influenced. Perhaps more influenced, by more of the right things. I'm constantly influencing.

This feeling that I'm different, it excites me. If I'm doing it better now, I'll be doing it better forever. Always doing differently. Always never fitting in.

CNJ

I can't get you off my mind.
I can't stop wondering where you are, if you're okay and when you'll be back... if you'll be back.
I wonder why you cut me off; too soon but not soon enough. I wonder why I even think about you..

I just can't get you off my mind, though.
There's gotta be a reason.
There's gotta be some reason.

Irreality.

Wondering when feelings become fact.
I can break us down into moments of unspoken affection, sweet nothings, sweet somethings and intellectual progression. We're something special... I think-
- with you, but never against you. Won't blink cause when I open my eyes I may not be against you.
I can undress you in my mind.
I know your lines, I know your stride, the curvature of spine and the shadows in your eyes.
I long to know more.
Wondering when this accessory became necessity.
When I let my guard down just a bit and found you next to me- maybe not forever-
but for now I am lucky.. No, I'm blessed to be excessively indulged into your everything.
I want you to know everything there is to me, but I fear that you may steer from me.
I guess it's better that you hear from me, the person that I use to be.
Obstructions and obscurities.
Habits, inhibitions and insecurities.
Impurities, impurities.
Direct instinct tells me that this fact is actually fiction.
Begging of you to vindicate me of these convictions. Maybe I can't love, actually-
but prove this undiminishable and I may trust this irreality.