Perhaps my name doesn't bring the comfort that it once did...
but it did once.
We did once.
We did it all wrong once but until now, I was okay with that.
I didn't forget that you protected me and I still think of you when I don't feel safe.
You protected my name and I took that for granted. I devalued the diamond you tried to preserve for so long and I regret that. When I think about all the bad decisions I've made, all the wrong turns I've taken... I don't think "maybe if I hadn't done that, I would still have a relationship with my dad" or "I would still go to that school".
When I think of the person I've been... I think that maybe if I hadn't ever gone there, you would still be proud of me. You would still be proud to know me.
Finding out that you can't even see me changing, because you think so lowly of me now that you blocked me in every sense, destroys me. I still need you... but it's not a matter of needing anymore. It's about what we want, as people, growing into adults... and you don't want me to exist anymore.
i bet ya it's not that. i bet the love is so deep it's hard to not be able to control what that person does. to see them hurt and doing hurtful things and you can't make them stop and you know it's not best for them so you don't want to see it. i think that's what jake did with me.
ReplyDeletebut it's ok now. ; )